May I never forget such pain

18May06

Some annoying bird woke me up with its shrieks this morning at about 7. My thoughts instantly snapped from throwing rocks out my window toward the trees to the searing pain in my thighs. I'm not talking soreness, I'm talking excruciating pain I have never felt before. I couldn't bend my legs without cursing and fighting off tears, and to lie with them straight out provided some relief, but also a sensation that I had run a marathon in my sleep. My legs were exhausted, even after not moving for six or so hours. I forced myself to go back to sleep until my alarm went off, when I struggled to get up, every step sheer agony, and into the shower. Convinced that if I forced them to stretch, it would be for my own good, I knelt down in the shower and surprised myself when I cried out in pain. I felt like the old lady on the "I've fallen and can't get up" commercial. There I was, on the shower floor, doubled over in pain, struggling to get up without cracking my head open on the tub wall, and I thought about all the times in my past athletic life where I hadn't worked out during the winter and, once softball season started and I was running around and training, I felt what I thought then to be major pain and soreness. What I felt then was nothing. Holy shit, I let it get so bad to not be able to function after a few squats and lunges. It's pathetic. Humiliating. I cried, in pain and embarrassment. 

I called the gym to talk to Michelle, who's going to be my trainer, to tell her I either needed a day to rest or to ask her to take it easy on my legs so they could heal. I'd been doing some reading about the shock you put your muscles through to train them, and how you shred them up in the process of building them up. The thought of my shredded, painful muscles being used at all made me sick to my stomach. But Michelle wasn't available. So I talked to Matt, the dude who had trained me yesterday (and put me in such a pathetic state). I told him I was in severe pain and he told me to take a couple of Advil and come in and do some cardio to get my lactic acid up. 

Oh, right. Lactic acid. Why didn't I think of that?

So, I dried my tears and decided I'd suck it up and go instead of sit and watch C-Span (which was actually picquing my interest at the time).

And  getting down the stairs was a struggle. Every time I'd bend at the knee, a searing hot shot of agony rippled up my thigh and locked it up in a charley horse. I would, of course, spew blasphemous profanity. And then tackle the next stair. Driving was also tough. Walking down the stairs to get into the gym was tough. And trying to explain with some dignity that I was in complete agony was also tough. 

But Michelle seems nice enough, and she took me around the ladies' gym portion of the gym so I could work on some upper-body stuff. It turns out I only get 30 minutes with her per session — that's $40 per session for those of you keeping score at home —  so it was sort of rushed and we hit a lot of different machines and did a lot of different exercises that didn't strain me too much. We worked with free weights and with the exercise ball, doing shoulder and arm exercises and stomach crunches. The worst parts were when I had to get on and off the floor. I was like an old lady. A fucking old lady with broken legs! Sad.

But I asked what I could do to cut down on the soreness and pain, and she recommended some cardio, too. So I hit the treadmill, bike machine, and elliptical machine for about 30 minutes (it felt longer), so hopefully I didn't further hurt myself. I can honestly say it either made me feel better at the time (or I was getting used to the pain), but now that I'm back at home, I know I'm going to be hurting tonight and tomorrow.

I originally had an appointment scheduled for tomorrow, but mom and dad are coming into town and we might do lunch. Also, I am fucking hurting and would like a day to heal. I might go in anyway, but at least I can work at my own pace and not have to explain my sad little aches and pains to a woman who would probably run a fucking marathon while I struggled to do 10 crunches.

Filed under: health and fitness   |  Leave a Comment